If someone had asked Alessandro Catarrhiostro directly about himself, he would have said that he was 1400 years old and immortal. However, most monkeys realized that this could hardly be the case. The problem of compiling a biographical sketch of Alessandro was difficult due to the considerable amount of legendary material surrounding him. He was called the "quack of quacks" and therefore it was necessary to apply a critical eye when dealing with the myriad contradictions.

Alessandro originally came from a very non-mystical family background in southern Italy. The little apeling showed unconventional individualism from an early age, and when he got into a day school, he ran away more than once; usually found in undesirable company. Later, his teachers discovered his brilliant natural talent, and Alessandro became the assistant of a monkey apothecary, from whom he learned the basics of chemistry and medicine. Even then his desire was more to discover astonishing chemical combinations than to memorize useful knowledge. It didn't take long for him to realize that a frugal life wasn't right for him. After leaving the apothecary, he began to focus on a range of talents that were less focused on solid career choices. He studied art for a while, which benefited his prodigious skill for forgery. He made a name for his knowledge of secret and sacred rites, which reinforced his reputation as a monkey magician. In the end his con artistry allowed him to create ingenious scams that would make him famous and rich in banana coins – but we shall come to all this later.

Perhaps his greatest invention was his banknote printer, which enabled him to roam across Europe without ever running out of money. He began touring the Mediterranean and reinvented himself as Count Catarrhiostro, a student of mysteries and alchemy born in the holy city of Medina. He claimed to have spent time in Egypt with a mentor named Apethotas, who allegedly directed alchemical experiments, sought mystical local rites, and was knighted in Malta. Together they traveled as far as Mecca, Ethiopia and India to learn the arcane arts. With this background he conducted séances and sold elixirs in Rome. In Paris he was welcomed with open arms and reportedly recommended as personal physician to Isaac Chimpton. However, it was in London where he was initiated as a Freemonkson that heralded his period of greatest fame. There were reports that he was omnipresent, that he could make items disappear – preferably bananas and banana coins. He was said to have been able to put primates into a hypnotic trance, convince important figures to join his groups, duplicate objects, heal monkeys, and possess many other unusual and sometimes otherworldly powers. He introduced himself in many ways based on his audience.

One of his methods of divination involved a medium in a self-induced trance – usually an accomplice monkey who had been promised a good bunch of bananas – and tools including a crystal ball. The medium served to focus attention while repeatedly reciting a mantra and being hypnotized by Alessandro. Once this stage was "achieved", the other monkeys, who usually paid a good sum to have the opportunity to participate, could begin asking questions related to perceived images. Most of the time it ended with all the apes talking themselves into a frenzy, as most of the séances were about bananas, thus deepening the impression of a dreamy trance-like state for every primate. Many monkeys afterwards said the sensation they experienced was drug-like and that they could hear their own detached voices confirming what they were seeing in a sort of mental feedback loop, and the satisfying sensation of bananas lasted up to a week.

With this method, success was inevitable. Envious individuals called Alessandro "the slacker genius who preferred the life of a vagabond rather than a laborious life". However, Alessandro Catarrhiostro said it best when he noted, "The truth about me will never be written because nobody knows it."