The moment when I hit the bottom. This time I had to hit it to be reborn. I had to hit it so hard with all my pain and fear inside. Nothing else was left. I had to feel the emptiness. Cry it out loud. Do complete self-destruction and self-sabotage. I needed to dissolve into a state to make myself feel a desire again. To make myself believe and hope. To go back to the eternal search of my own Nirvana.