"Welcome to [Hell]" "How are your [genital warts]? How are your [problems]? Your [dad] works [harder] than [you]. Your [dad] can solve the [problems] you can't."

You've tried blocking the President's number, but she just calls from another phone. The entire White House has been converted into a robocall teleharassment office. Her autotuned voice wheedles and chastises all of her callboys.

You also get robocalls from Fake Presidents, trying to sell you pills. (Fake Presidents are employed by Big Pill.)

[Dad] never loved [you]: Torment an enemy creature with incessant calls. ♦ Reduce its INT by 5. ♦ 25 Emotional DMG. ♦ Enemy player must call their dad and ask him if he actually loves them. If he doesn't answer, he doesn't love you. (destroy the tormented enemy creature)