“Different shades of Matilda” collection is all about experimentation, making her feel alive when she's feeling lost. She's looking for someone whose demons match well with hers. It never occurs to her to call it pathological. She doesn't talk about it. She just lives these moments the way she feels like it. Sometimes her life in retrospect seems inconceivable to her. But she dares to remember those days only as isolated incidents. It's already in the past. It's just a segment of her life, unreal, like a dream, devoid of any subtext.