I used to yearn for control, but I have come to find out that sometimes there is a benefit to letting go of control and breaking the rules.

I began getting bored of my photos after I started developing my own film. I had all this control, from start to finish, yet I was never satisfied with the photos. I had previously experimented with 'film souping,' the process of soaking your film in various liquids before or after development. I didn't love results I had with film soup before, but I found it intriguing, so I began experimenting with it again. When I manipulate my film, I am destroying the idea of a perfect photo. I have to commit to possibly never seeing the images I remember capturing. By letting go of control, the film takes on a life of its own, one I could never have imagined.

This is a photo of me, shot on Portra 400 film, that I soaked late one night in my apartment. I destroyed this roll with a mixture of boiling laundry detergent and Rosé. This is what was left.