Dunkin' - 1.92/5

Store
With all of Southeast Queens apparently devoid of bagel stores, it seemed appropriate to review a Dunkin Donuts location - or "Dunkin'" as it's now called - as that's all a bagel store search turns up for miles. It is exactly what you would expect from the experience: large pastry selection, hot drinks only, no deli options, a broken cash register and staff that's barely holding on. I'll mark it as average as the experience is too far beyond the realm of comparison.
2.5/5

Bagel
Size-wise, medium in circumference yet small in the dough offered with a very large center hole. Standard toppings on one side - poppy mostly, then garlic and slight sesame. No salt or salt crystals. There's a mysterious brown texture underneath it all. Possibly baked corn meal? It seems to have no flavor but provides grit. Bagel is toasted despite requests to the contrary. Tastes like a soft roll with poppy seeds. One is better off skipping this entirely if they're craving a bagel, as this does not resemble an actual bagel experience. I feel sad for those that know what a bagel can be yet only have access to Dunkin. Better to live in ignorance.
1.75/5

Cream Cheese
Vegetable cream cheese was the closest spread they had to scallion, so that's what was ordered. Served warm from the toasted bagel. Underwhelming in both quantity and evenness of application. Scraped out of a capsule like a continental breakfast. The taste is what I imagine would happen if Dunkin Donuts filled their cream cheese order with a nacho cheese company. Slightly spicy, chunky, sweet and pink-tinged. If this is what 'America Runs On', our country's problems are instantly clearer.
1.5/5