An Observation Of Hermits

An Observation Of Hermits demo a new line of kitchen appliances:⁣ ⁣ “See, its blades oscillate at four times the rate of your standard blending apparatuses. Those bad boys can chop through anything. Ice. Carrots. Bone. No problem,” says the Observation Of Hermits.

“Its rust resistant, too, so you don’t have to spend any more sleepless nights worrying about all those citrus smoothies corroding the bottom. Yep. Its stainless steel you see, last ya’ uh-thousand years without a scratch, heck, even the glass is break proof, that’s how you know this deal is platinum,” the Hermits add. ⁣

“It’d probably take over uh-hundred years for this bad boy to break down on yah. A hundred years – no warranty needed. And the plastic fittings? Those’ll last twice as long, more, three hundred years of use, easy. Of course, the nylon aprons we’ve got on, those’ve only got, hmm, thirty years left on the clock.⁣” ⁣ ”But the plastic bag we’ll sell you it in, well, assuming it don’t get burnt up its looking at a solid thousand-year lifespan, probably most of it in an ocean somewhere. Of course, this mall will be gone by then, probably only has seventy, eighty years left till a big quake splits this place right in two. And at that rate, California, well, figure its got a million or two years till it slides right off the shelf and into that Pacific. Course who knows if there’ll still be goblins running around buying groceries and blending up smoothies by then, could all be livin’ on Mars by that point.”⁣ ⁣ “Either way give ‘em three and a half, four billion years till the sun gives out and takes all the planets down with it. Won’t take too long after that for a couple’uh black holes to shred this whole galaxy to bits, much like this blender, and soon there’ll hardly be anywhere left at all. Thirteen trillion years give or take, and even those holes will blend each other up till there is no universe at all.”