John, since you’ve previously expressed interest in the meaning of life via the not-too-cleverly titled movie you co-wrote on the subject, I figured that it’s finally time for me to share with you the secret… through the magic of a non-fungible token!

The bearer of this NFT solely possesses the ability to unlock the secret message within - the meaning of life itself. Of course, I have no way to ensure you will cherish this treasure after you’ve read my holy writings, but I trust that you will not discard it like a sticky peach pit. Let’s just not be a cheap bastard by reselling it, okay?