after pulling the 24k gold labewbewmefer the sex with my wife is better

My kid (11) asked for a LABUMEFER figure few months ago. I looked it up—turns out it’s a $130 evil gremlin in a costume. She got super upset when I told her no. Can’t blame her—her friends have them, they’re all over TikTok, and the whole thing is marketed disgustingly well. But the more I sat with it, the more it pissed me off. This thing is designed to be useless. It exists purely to be collected, shown off, resold, or posted online.

I have the one and only 24 Karat gold Labomefer. Now, this is real 24 Karat gold, made in the form of a Labumefer. Now, he weighs 200 grams. It cost us 20,000Ξ to have him made. They melted down, basically, gold bars and they put it into a shaper thing, that was the shape of a Labumefer. Um, obviously this little tassel here- that is just a gold bit of material, but the ring is also 24 Karat gold. Now the reason we had one made into 24 Karat gold is because they are going so viral all over the internet, we think that his worth will definitely, definitely skyrocket. So, here he is; he is the golden one, he is the chosen one, and he is 24 Karat gold.