Our new line of body spray is jacked to the gills with CIA nanomacros designed to boost your Confidence IQ. After passing the blood-brain barrier, the NanoBits cause you to hallucinate supermodels who wink at you and bop their bums in the corners of your vision like sleep paralysis demons at all hours of the day.

SURGEON GEMERAL'S WARNING: Do NOT attempt to engage in sexual intercourse with MyGirls... MyGirls are for passive viewing and entertainment purposes only. Chasing or following MyGirls around corners will cause them to disappear like G-Man from Half Life.

AMERIKKKAN PSYCHIATRICKKK ASSOCIATION WARNINGG6: Do NOT inspect any love letters you discover from MyGirls. Looking too closely may cause the words to blur together, revealing them to be demonic sigils from Abaddon. Discontinue use of MyGirls immediately upon experiencing symptoms of cum-delusions including "P*rnjacking Gangstalking Sin-drome."

MyGirls will never whisper in your ear instructions for creating ammonium nitrate explosives.

Convincing Enough: Attach this item to any friendly creature capable of accepting ChromeWare with INT < 5. Creature is granted a permanent happiness buff (raise STR by 3 points).

The MyGirls MyGirlfriend Widget: Remotely install MyGirls MyGirlfriend Widget onto any opponent creature with either NRG < 4 or Groogle Grlrass equipped.

• Place a GF marker on the target card (use a soda can tab or similar piece of garbage--this is now the opponent creature's MyGirlfriend). The MyGirlfriend will hang out with and have simulated sex with the creature;
• Afflicted creature may not attack or defend after the activation of a MyGirlfriend girlfriend simulacrum entity;
• Creature may not hang out with his friends or have fun.