the 1st piece i worked on for the collection. its also the piece that inspired the title of "ChAOS & COUTURE"... where i had gone through my journal & relived experiences i had as a model. from my agency calling me to tell me that i had booked a job in paris (i was 18 years old), but i would have to find a place to sleep that night because the client couldn't afford a hotel for me. or when i shot the cover of PLAYBOY & i agreed without knowing how little $3,000 was to sell the rights of my images forever. or when i had been up for a massive beauty campaign that would have changed my life, but my agent intentionally sabotaged me from getting the contract by not telling me about the casting. i was dating someone at the time who just so happened to be the casting photographer who was on set that day... and he was like "where are you?! we've been waiting for you over an hour!"... i wasn't even in town, & i didn't get the contract. Gigi Hadid did. later my agent called me and said that he didn't have the "bandwidth" to continue representing me. i asked why, after pressing him, he said "sorry... i have to focus on Gigi." this is the 20th version of this piece (no exaggeration). it has frustrated me. motivated me. inspired me. i have had previous versions where i thought it was perfect, & then i destroyed that version. the original looked completely different & it had 50 stories/diary entries on it. i think i was trying to squeeze my whole story into a single piece... ultimately it made me realize it couldn't be done. which is what inspired the idea of the collection. although it was the first piece of the collection, it was the last one i completed. my life has been completely chaotic, & many situations have left me feeling uncertain. uncertain of myself, my abilities, my capabilities as a person/model, my future. there's only two things in life that i'm sure of... death & taxes