journal entry 56 - honestly, this isn't the best time i'm having right now. i feel so overcome with my worries, my fears, my new found anxiety. i didn't even realize i had for so long. i thought i just had really bad shakes. but let me get back on point. what i am trying to get to is that i frequently hide behind drugs. i love the lightness it gives to my body and how it helps my mind from running on 3000. though addiction is right around the corner, realistically and that's terrifying. so scary that i start to tear up while high sometimes, being that the underlying feeling i want to cover up sneaks out. i'm not spiraling but it is a bad cycle i'm running myself into. my first appointment starts tomorrow, wish me the best.