11.14.20 //

my favorite song i’ve ever made.

it was an unexciting saturday morning in my south florida suburb. i’d spent the majority of my life moving around but this specific street had been around for enough years to start to feel like home. if you’d had live footage of my street at 6:00 am, you’d see a series of peaceful front lawns and one with a flurry of movement. a little guy (me) excitedly shoving every last household item into my car as i prepped myself for the 14 hour drive to nashville.

months before, i received what i had interpreted as a series of divine signs to take a chance on myself. i’d saved up some money that i hoped would sustain me for the following year. i was going to go after music full time for the first time ever.

i’d arranged to stay in a friend’s spare bedroom for cheap. my plan was to deliver food a few hours each day and work on music the rest of the time.

i promised my parents that if i didn’t make it big in a year, i’d move back home and take up my career as an airline pilot that i’d put on hold for music. i didn’t think i’d have to, i’d always believed so deeply in my ability to make shit shake.

the next 12 months were some of the most blissful and painful months of my life.

the best moments: i made music with people i’d looked up to for years, made huge strides towards finding an audience, and found a new community in web3.

the worst moments: a lot of shame, feeling like i’d disappointed the people closest to me, spending nights paralyzed unable to figure out my next steps.

on month 11, i was processing the impending reality that despite all my progress and work i wouldn’t be able to make my 1 year deadline.

i had to readjust.

[lyrics]

i thought i’d be famous by the time november came and i was nowhere hard for me to justify another year of falling, i caught no air

but i jumped off the edge and it’s hard for me to save face in front of my parents friends hold me i’m coming down jumped off the edge and this regular life shit’s got me upside down will you stay with me? i’m readjusting.

i was never pretty boy, hard boy, or a sad one the whole time, i was scared to fit in cliché’s my family waiting for me to come back home being a golden child or disappointment’s all i know graduated, good grades and a good school could’ve made 100k but refused to i’m never trying to do some shit that i don’t love my daddy said i’m childish and it’s not enough

jumped off the edge and it’s hard for me to save face in front of my parents friends hold me i’m coming down jumped off the edge and this regular life shit’s got me upside down will you stay with me? i’m readjusting.

[credits]

written/recorded/mixed/mastered by me

co-produced by me and beep (my best friend)

art by me, photo by trent