Greetings, denizens of Earth! Call me J. Atlas, Solver of Puzzles. Your planet may look like a ball of yarn, but I've learned earthquakes make for lots of spilled milk. I have solved the world's greatest mysteries, unravelled the world's stickiest riddles, and calculated the world's newest cryptographs. I may nap 80% of every eon, but I party 24/7.